Last Refuge

Sometimes, or always. The last refuge is is what I want to put forth and across. When all else crumbles around you and when people do not quite understand what you mean, or meant anymore or always. You are your last refuge. To think of it, you can never really escape yourself. You can only escape for sometime – by some techniques or substances or worse – death, now that angle is forever, you don’t come back, no second chances.

The last refuge is forgiving if you let it or it is a merciless opponent, probing and drowning your other defeated self in critique. The voices never die do they, they hound you. They pester, they don’t relent or give up till you surmount them, explain to them or give up to them.

The last refuge, where everything is played in minute detail –  of all the triumphs and worse the defeats and the mistakes that you made over time. Everything plays out, everything. Nothing left to open chance. 

Last refuge. My friend, my foe, my brother, my companion, my last refuge.

My last refuge – my self.

Regards,

CZ

Curmudgeon

Curmudgeon: A crusty irascible cantankerous old person full of stubborn ideas.

Irascible – even the word sounds abrasive. 

As age goes by, we eventually fall in that pit of being old, irascible and cantankerous. Suddenly everything is out to hound us and hope becomes a distant dream. There’s a way to beat it. There’s a way I know. But before that, here’s a quote: ” In our youths we want to change the world, in our old age, we wish to change the youth”. So youth, don’t change yourself, for youth is truth. Fight the big fights, fight the fights that time eventually imposes on you and you see yourself as an old general who has been replaced by fresh foot soldiers and fresh blood. Welcome fresh ideas and continue the fight. Never become a general too soon. There’s still a lot of ground to cover. Lot of enemies (of the mind) to cut down.

Its so much easy to put down the weapons and start the peace process. Don’t. Don’t do it. Not for the love of anything. If someone tells you to -then tell them the knock, knock who’s there joke from the starting scenes of “Catch me if you can” (the Spielberg movie).

I am facing it at the moment. I am feeling it creeping behind my back. But I realise it slow, and I will rid of it quick. 

Have a nice day.

Think over it.

CZ

In a while

In a while, everything happens. In a while everything begins and everything takes birth. To an extent the exhiliration of the start never leaves and the end never heals. Speaking of which, the end. Somehow somewhere in the heart, the pieces lie, broken and unmended. You know you might not heal after this, you become numb, you dumb out, you hear nothing, see nothing and feel nothing. You just know that something’s broken. Something left you never to come back. There are no explanations to give, no stories to tell. You know it, and you know it well.

Suddenly the skies become dark and the mood darker. People’s gleeful laughter hurts and smiles seem conceited. You don’t trust anyone, neither yourself, nor the person in front. You just trust your feet and their ability to walk you away from the problems on the battlefront. 

I wish time could be turned back. I wish, it weren’t written in stone. If only wishes were horses……

 

Time wounds all heels

 

 

Time heals all wounds or rather wounds all heels. Time. In a while everything will be ok. Now’s not the time. I am not the same person anymore. I will live, live to tell another day, fight another fight. Better paradises await me and better paradises will be won. But what of the ones that were lost? 

Just a frame of mind, just a frame of my fleeting thoughts.

Adieu,

CZ

Incomplete Manifesto

 

Bruce Mau Grimace or is it a smile?

 

 

For artists, strugglers ( I include myself and everyone who’s hit the road less travelled – masses stay away or better, read it….)

http://www.brucemaudesign.com/incomplete_manifesto.html

AN INCOMPLETE MANIFESTO FOR GROWTH

Written in 1998, the Incomplete Manifesto is an articulation of statements exemplifying Bruce Mau’s beliefs, strategies and motivations. Collectively, they are how we approach every project.

1. Allow events to change you.You have to be willing to grow. Growth is different from something that happens to you. You produce it. You live it. The prerequisites for growth: the openness to experience events and the willingness to be changed by them.
2. Forget about good.Good is a known quantity. Good is what we all agree on. Growth is not necessarily good. Growth is an exploration of unlit recesses that may or may not yield to our research. As long as you stick to good you’ll never have real growth.
3. Process is more important than outcome.When the outcome drives the process we will only ever go to where we’ve already been. If process drives outcome we may not know where we’re going, but we will know we want to be there.
4. Love your experiments (as you would an ugly child).Joy is the engine of growth. Exploit the liberty in casting your work as beautiful experiments, iterations, attempts, trials, and errors. Take the long view and allow yourself the fun of failure every day.
5. Go deep.The deeper you go the more likely you will discover something of value.
6. Capture accidents.The wrong answer is the right answer in search of a different question. Collect wrong answers as part of the process. Ask different questions.
7. Study.A studio is a place of study. Use the necessity of production as an excuse to study. Everyone will benefit.
8. Drift.Allow yourself to wander aimlessly. Explore adjacencies. Lack judgment. Postpone criticism.
9. Begin anywhere.John Cage tells us that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. His advice: begin anywhere.
10. Everyone is a leader.Growth happens. Whenever it does, allow it to emerge. Learn to follow when it makes sense. Let anyone lead.

Cuss words and the significant other insignificant thoughts

F**k, Wh***e, Ho, Tra*p, Sh*t, Pi**, Harl*t, Biatch, B8tch.

We trip on these, atleast I do. I am a millionaire this moment if someone gives me a penny for my thoughts and the daily words that spew forth. I am not a racist or have a bias to anyone, I just hate everybody. Non conformist, I conform only to the thoughts, actions and reactions that make the masses shudder. 

No I don’t sport a punk cut or a nose ring. I am not pierced neither in one way or the other. Again I am not a left wing nor know or care where the right wing goes. Not a capitalist or a communist. Socialist – a definite no, marxist a strict no, maoist well never could subscribe to thoughts on those lines, so that throws out other streams. Democracy – yes. American stamped – No. 

I don’t believe in exporting terror, nor do I see sense in packaging democracy and shoving it down throats not ready for the dosage. Some people like dictators, if not – then let them decide for themselves. In short – and quoting a famous on – screen persona from the movie ” Full Metal Jacket” – Master Gunnery Sergeant Hartman -

There is no racial bigotry here! I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you all are equally worthless!

Nice quote. Good movie. Hilarious and an eye opener.

 

Which brings me to the topic of BS. There’s so much of it floating around. Sometimes I feel I would need a damn underwater gear or whatever you call it to wade through so much of it. Encounter it day in and day out. The bigger, the better. The higher you pile it, the higher you apparently go – or so it seems. 

I am frankly new to this sport. Do not take much interest in it.  But I do see it pile up high sometimes and wonder when it will all come crashing down. 

Raise a toast to BS and how it makes the world go round, round and round.

Cheers,

CZ

(P.S: Whole load o crap these posts eh? Well there’s more from where it came from. Keep your eyes glued and gouged for this space. )

The Devil’s Guide

 

Devil

 

 

Might be too late to write this anyways but Pfft as the orifice goes. A slow one at that. 

This book is enjoyable. I read like chunks of 50 pages after a 10 hour workday and still reluctantly keep it down so I can wake up to enjoy it another day.

Joe talks about his triumphs, scripts, and a no nonsense style of prose that says F**k Y*o if you disagree with me – and he does a good job at it. I am already at page 150 in 1 and a half day’s time and I plan to make a short work of it this weekend. Picked up another one of his books  - “Hollywood Animal”. Know not how it will unfold.

At the moment – Devil’s guide rules. 

Some other books adorning my bookshelf –  (Book borrowers, find your own)

Hollywood Animal – Joe Eszterhas

Anatomy & Drawing – Perard

Da Vinci Notebooks – L. D. Vinci

Complete Works of Lewis Caroll

Nirvana Biography – Everette True

and some more. This year or atleast the remaining half of it seems packed at the moment. 

Will keep it coming. Till then. Adieu.

Regards and Warm wishes,

CZ

Tomato Ketchup Pouches and Morning Paper

 

Thud! - Morning Paper

They are in essence the same. They lie on your table. Fresh ink and ketchup saving itself for you and your mouth watering pizza. The paper on the other hand is waiting to pounce on your mind. Both disposable and both waiting to be consumed soon. For in another 2 hours they lose their value and you lose your interest.

 

My morning Horoscope reads:

You would prefer to do things in a direct and open manner, but this ‘might’ not be possible. You maybe be obliged to keep certain things to yourself. Domestic considerations………it drawls and I lose it before I reach the end of the 2 liner that tells me how my life will turn out in the next 24 hours.

My rent agreement is up this month. The landowner will ask for a 5% hike. For what? I know not. Maybe he wants to justify it and say inflation’s on the rise. Maybe he’s right…maybe he should fix the flush and do some electrical work on our apartment first. 

Who’s land is it anyways? Taxes, death and for me the fear of obscurity. All these feelings never fade. Never will. Ape the apes, and the foreign cultures. I do both and try and alienate myself from me. It doesn’t work all the time though. The village heart still persists. Furthermore: How else is the cooking going on asks my room mate. I wonder where the dal or the rice which I bought from Spencer’s is?

Food. The sole reason we do what we do. Or is it the pursuit of happyness? Nice words right? My favourite. This post is going nowhere and I feel I like it this way. If you don’t – come, comment and maybe I will give it due consideration and delete it later.

Wonder who passed my street today as I slept. Did they know what they were doing? How many people are experiencing orgasm right now? I mean right at this moment – on this planet? Who cares….the stats will be mind boggling though.

I am going to go now. I feel I am running out of fuel and BS. The pent up anger and the silence of almost three months unleashed on this digital paper. Writing from a physical domain to see it printed real time on a screen made of some electronic crap from Taiwan. 

God save the masses for they know not what they are doing. I on the other hand smile to myself and carry on knowing what others know not and care not for. Better paradisos beckon.

No this is not a suicide note. I am very much alive and will kick the arse of someone who thinks otherwise.

Regards,

CZ

 

Nice Artwork!